“As long as Pete understands that he’s not allowed to bet on how the war in Iraq turns out, he’ll be great,” one insider said.

In other Washington news, Senator Trent Lott (R-Miss.) agreed today to apologize once a day for the rest of us life.

As part of the historic accord, Senator Lott will wear a pair of specially rigged underpants that will deliver a mild but still painful electric shock should he accidentally go a day without apologizing.

Andy Borowitz
The Borowitz Report http://www.borowitzreport.com

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