Baghdad--Shia cleric Ayatollah Ali-Sistani and UN president Kofi Annan are at a loss to explain what's up with the Americans' unbending insistence that some form of transfer of authority occur by June 30--whether there is a government to receive it or not.
Neither leader had a good explanation for how that date was chosen and why there can be no discussion of rescheduling the handover until proper elections can be held.
"I tell you I don't get it," Sistani said. "Is the coalition authority going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight on July 1 or something?"
Sistani has insisted on holding direct elections of a provisional government that will be charged with drafting a provisional constitution.
But the US-led occupation authority prefers a caucus style election in which the provisional government will be appointed by hand-picked local leaders.
Coalition officials claim that there is not enough time to hold direct elections before the June 30 deadline.
Delaying the transfer of power has never been offered as an option.
In a meeting between Sistani and Kofi Annan, the two discussed the possible motives driving the time sensitive US plan.
"What's gives? Do they have somewhere they need to be in a hurry?" asked Sistani.
"You mean, like Syria?" Annan chuckled.
"Yeah, right or Iran," Sistani countered.
"But we both know what WMD dealing, totalitarian country they'll will never invade..."
"CHINA!" both shrieked at the same time, laughing.
After settling down, Annan said he would find out for himself from Paul Bremer why the June 30 transfer date had been etched in stone.
Annan met with Bremer later that day in Baghdad.
"So what if they don't hit the deadline? What's the big deal?" Annan asked Bremer.
"You see, if elections are not held before June 30th, then we'll have to postpone the transfer of sovereignty to Iraqis until after that date," Bremer responded.
"So?"
"So that would mean we would miss the deadline."
"And?"
"And we would no longer be working on the June 30 timeline."
"Which means?"
"Which means we would be getting closer and closer to November with no measurable results."
"And that's bad, why?"
"Look, the president can't fix two elections at once! You starting to understand now Kofi? Dubya's not a war president anymore, he's a campaign president."
A stunned Annan turned white as a ghost.
"Oh. Now we know."
Satire republished courtesy of freepressed: http://www.freepressed.com
Please also see:
Please, God, let there be a comparison of Kerry's and Bush's military record http://www.freepressed.com/real_american-guard.htm
Please also visit: Chickenhawk Database
http://www.nhgazette.com/cgi-bin/NHGstore.cgi?user_action=list&category=%20NEWS%3B%20Chickenhawks
Neither leader had a good explanation for how that date was chosen and why there can be no discussion of rescheduling the handover until proper elections can be held.
"I tell you I don't get it," Sistani said. "Is the coalition authority going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight on July 1 or something?"
Sistani has insisted on holding direct elections of a provisional government that will be charged with drafting a provisional constitution.
But the US-led occupation authority prefers a caucus style election in which the provisional government will be appointed by hand-picked local leaders.
Coalition officials claim that there is not enough time to hold direct elections before the June 30 deadline.
Delaying the transfer of power has never been offered as an option.
In a meeting between Sistani and Kofi Annan, the two discussed the possible motives driving the time sensitive US plan.
"What's gives? Do they have somewhere they need to be in a hurry?" asked Sistani.
"You mean, like Syria?" Annan chuckled.
"Yeah, right or Iran," Sistani countered.
"But we both know what WMD dealing, totalitarian country they'll will never invade..."
"CHINA!" both shrieked at the same time, laughing.
After settling down, Annan said he would find out for himself from Paul Bremer why the June 30 transfer date had been etched in stone.
Annan met with Bremer later that day in Baghdad.
"So what if they don't hit the deadline? What's the big deal?" Annan asked Bremer.
"You see, if elections are not held before June 30th, then we'll have to postpone the transfer of sovereignty to Iraqis until after that date," Bremer responded.
"So?"
"So that would mean we would miss the deadline."
"And?"
"And we would no longer be working on the June 30 timeline."
"Which means?"
"Which means we would be getting closer and closer to November with no measurable results."
"And that's bad, why?"
"Look, the president can't fix two elections at once! You starting to understand now Kofi? Dubya's not a war president anymore, he's a campaign president."
A stunned Annan turned white as a ghost.
"Oh. Now we know."
Satire republished courtesy of freepressed: http://www.freepressed.com
Please also see:
Please, God, let there be a comparison of Kerry's and Bush's military record http://www.freepressed.com/real_american-guard.htm
Please also visit: Chickenhawk Database
http://www.nhgazette.com/cgi-bin/NHGstore.cgi?user_action=list&category=%20NEWS%3B%20Chickenhawks