"TOXIC" PRESIDENT ALLOWED TO DOCK IN UK
Controversy surrounds the imminent arrival in Britain of the condemned President George Bush. Many activists believe that despite the Government's willingness to take Bush "off America's hands for a bit", that the premier is dangerously corrupt and toxic.
s President Bush was tugged sleepily by two aides onto British soil, it was already emerging that plans to begin dismantling him had already been put on hold. "We applied for permission to disassemble Bush immediately on arrival," explained local activist Derek Gadd, "and we'd already purchased six baseball bats and a wood-chipper for the purpose, but even though nobody doubts it's wildly dangerous having him around, apparently we won't be able to go near him for days – if at all."
The fears surrounding the President stem from the fact that, since he was first constructed, he has been accumulating toxic ideologies including the views that
· Might makes right
· If you're not with us you're against us
· State-sponsored electrocution is not only moral – it's fun
· We can take over any damn country we like
· Oil is more important than anything
· Except money obviously
· Democracy means voting for me (or near as dammit)
"contamination"
The consequences if these views were to escape into the general population in Britain could be catastrophic, and despite assurances from senior British officials that President Bush is perfectly stable and "not the least bit contagious, good gracious me no, perish the thought," many Britons are concerned about the possible contamination.
"I just don't see why we should run the risk," explained 37 year old cousin of three Noel Qualter, "It's not as if we're responsible for the festering contents of his diseased, redneck, gung-ho, warmongering, remains of a brain. America shouldn't have force-fed him junk food and extremist Republican dogma for forty-odd years. They can't expect us to deal with him now."
"special relationship"
The deal was struck earlier this year when a desperate White House official made a personal request to Downing Street. The exact text of the request is not known but it is understood to have included the phrases "driving us all crazy", "special relationship", "do the same for you some day", "Baroness Thatcher" and "ha ha ha suckers".
The Government's current position was summed up outside Downing Street today by a very junior spokesperson clutching what appeared to be a short length of straw. "Although it is evident that President Bush will have to be completely dismantled at some point – hopefully very soon – it is not currently possible to accomplish that as quickly or as tidily as we had hoped. If necessary, President Bush will be returned to the United States where they can deal with him as they see fit. That is assuming the hordes of protestors don't do the job for us."
"Carroll"
Article republished, courtesy of The Brains Trust:
http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/
Please continue for surface reports ...
Controversy surrounds the imminent arrival in Britain of the condemned President George Bush. Many activists believe that despite the Government's willingness to take Bush "off America's hands for a bit", that the premier is dangerously corrupt and toxic.
s President Bush was tugged sleepily by two aides onto British soil, it was already emerging that plans to begin dismantling him had already been put on hold. "We applied for permission to disassemble Bush immediately on arrival," explained local activist Derek Gadd, "and we'd already purchased six baseball bats and a wood-chipper for the purpose, but even though nobody doubts it's wildly dangerous having him around, apparently we won't be able to go near him for days – if at all."
The fears surrounding the President stem from the fact that, since he was first constructed, he has been accumulating toxic ideologies including the views that
· Might makes right
· If you're not with us you're against us
· State-sponsored electrocution is not only moral – it's fun
· We can take over any damn country we like
· Oil is more important than anything
· Except money obviously
· Democracy means voting for me (or near as dammit)
"contamination"
The consequences if these views were to escape into the general population in Britain could be catastrophic, and despite assurances from senior British officials that President Bush is perfectly stable and "not the least bit contagious, good gracious me no, perish the thought," many Britons are concerned about the possible contamination.
"I just don't see why we should run the risk," explained 37 year old cousin of three Noel Qualter, "It's not as if we're responsible for the festering contents of his diseased, redneck, gung-ho, warmongering, remains of a brain. America shouldn't have force-fed him junk food and extremist Republican dogma for forty-odd years. They can't expect us to deal with him now."
"special relationship"
The deal was struck earlier this year when a desperate White House official made a personal request to Downing Street. The exact text of the request is not known but it is understood to have included the phrases "driving us all crazy", "special relationship", "do the same for you some day", "Baroness Thatcher" and "ha ha ha suckers".
The Government's current position was summed up outside Downing Street today by a very junior spokesperson clutching what appeared to be a short length of straw. "Although it is evident that President Bush will have to be completely dismantled at some point – hopefully very soon – it is not currently possible to accomplish that as quickly or as tidily as we had hoped. If necessary, President Bush will be returned to the United States where they can deal with him as they see fit. That is assuming the hordes of protestors don't do the job for us."
"Carroll"
Article republished, courtesy of The Brains Trust:
http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/
Please continue for surface reports ...