BUSH ACCUSES SADDAM OF HIDING ONE MILLION U.S. JOBS (Satire), by Andy Borowitz

Article image Warns Iraqi Strongman: Make Stock Market Go Back Up, Or Else
Promising the nation that he would shift his attention to the U.S. economy with “laser-like intensity,” President George W. Bush used his State of the Union address tonight to accuse Saddam Hussein of hiding over one million American jobs somewhere in Iraq.

“We have intelligence information indicating that Saddam has hidden these jobs in so-called ‘dual use’ facilities, out of the reach of U.N. inspectors,” Mr. Bush said.
In another statement on the economy, Mr. Bush said that over the last two years Saddam Hussein had systematically made the stock market go down and demanded that the Iraqi strongman "make it go back up to where it used to be -- or face the consequences."

Mr. Bush added that Saddam, through his proxies, had cooked the books at such U.S. corporations as Enron, Tyco, and WorldCom, forcing “dozens of innocent American CEOs into humiliating perp walks.”