CONVENTION PROTESTERS PLOTTING TO SPEAK, ASSEMBLE, warns Andy Borowitz

Article image Prepare for the Worst, Ashcroft Says
Attorney General John Ashcroft today revealed that the Justice Department has credible intelligence that protesters at next week’s Republican National Convention are actively plotting to speak and assemble.

“These evildoers may speak or assemble without warning,” Mr. Ashcroft told reporters. “We are preparing for the worst.”

To foil the protesters’ plot to speak and assemble, the Attorney General said that the Justice Department has established a special Anti-Speech and Assembly Task Force in New York City.

“This task force has its ears to the ground on a twenty-four-hour basis,” Mr. Ashcroft said. “If they get wind of a plot to speak or assemble, they will pounce.”


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