CANADA REFUSES TO CHANGE ITS NAME TO RONALD REAGAN, by Andy Borowitz

Article image Republicans Blast Canadians as “Ingrates”

Canada today rebuffed a proposal made by Republicans in Congress to change its name to Ronald Reagan.

The controversial proposal, which appeared to have broad backing from congressional Republicans, was suggested as a way for Canada to show its appreciation for the kindness and friendship that Mr. Reagan extended during his eight years as president.

But moments after the proposal was floated, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin gave the notion of renaming his country Ronald Reagan a frosty thumbs-down.

“Canada has no intention of changing its name to Ronald Reagan, Ronald McDonald or Ronald anything else,” Mr. Martin said in a speech to Parliament. “For one thing, it would require a total rewrite of the song ‘O Canada.’”