President calls on "Four Horsemen" - Cheney, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft and Rice - to hasten the rapture.By the time this happens the rapture will have taken all of the good Christians soldiers up to heaven.
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Washington, D.C. - President George Bush's New Year's resolutions for 2004 run the gamut from eventually reading a chapter book all by himself to provoking Armageddon.
The leader of the free world revealed his goals for the next 365 days on Monday and religious wingnuts like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell couldn't be happier.
Amid vows to remember to brush his teeth, take out the trash and use the small fork for salad starting Jan. 1, Bush also pledged to bring about the end times by assembling an army at the biblical mount of Megiddo (Armageddon) in Palestine for the final battle between the armies of God and Satan at the holy city of Jerusalem.
The leader of the free world revealed his goals for the next 365 days on Monday and religious wingnuts like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell couldn't be happier.
Amid vows to remember to brush his teeth, take out the trash and use the small fork for salad starting Jan. 1, Bush also pledged to bring about the end times by assembling an army at the biblical mount of Megiddo (Armageddon) in Palestine for the final battle between the armies of God and Satan at the holy city of Jerusalem.
Some say this latest announcement proves that America is being led into oblivion by an evil idiot. The President says he's just fulfilling biblical prophecy, his job as God's chosen one.
"You see, I'm the President so I get to say when the world ends," he told reporters of his apocalyptic New Year's resolution. "Besides, as long as everybody converts to Christianity there shouldn't be anything to worry about."
"You see, I'm the President so I get to say when the world ends," he told reporters of his apocalyptic New Year's resolution. "Besides, as long as everybody converts to Christianity there shouldn't be anything to worry about."